i am getting stressed out by work again!!!!!! cannot close.... shit!!! and today went to see mum's good fren, somehow EVERYONE thot i could close - mum, boss, colleagues etc. so didnt manage to close on the spot ok... i'll follow up when he returns to spore 2 weeks later. stop the pressure cooker... stop making me feel so stressed!!!!!!!

i think its high time i stepped up the intensity of searching for a new job. this job is making me mentally drained, making me feel guilty whenever i don't work or i leave early. i'm tired of the competition, tired of trying to bring in more numbers than all the rest, day after day. i want out.

didn't work today coz i was too lazy hahaaha....think from what i heard a couple of them closed 100k over today. not sure about the rest. but i dont want to run for feb sales anymore. all im doing now is to start looking for UT to close and park into march.

and y was i so lazy today?
1. woke up late - i woke up 45min after bank opened.
2. was so tired coz of....
3. daph's house party last night

that was fun.

drinks.
catching up on more gossip altho we all saw each other at the costume party last week. i know most of the people there.
met some new people.

soooooooooo unfortunate that i have to go back to work today right.

that picture explains y im still at home although its lunchtime. thats coz i just woke up and ate lunch...was SO damn tired this morning i simply couldnt wake up. didn't sleep well last night coz i drank the infamous detox tea.

its this tea tracy first bought from across the street, i think it gave her terrible gastrics after it finished detoxing. jess also wasn't much better. so apparently it works, too well in fact it seems. so nvm, i decided to try it. i put off drinking it for the whole day yesterday til after dinner last night. didn't give me much problems but i couldn't sleep properly coz u can feel your stomach churning. so i rolled around for most of the night - explains my terrible fatigue today.

while i was sleeping just now, i dreamt of him. funny huh. woke up missing him, his voice n the way he talks.

will head to office soon. see, i feel so guilty for not working in the morning that i cant even make myself take the whole day off. its janet's last day with our branch, she's changing branches as of tmr. and we only found out yesterday evening. i will miss u ms lee!!!!! u joined the bank about same time as me, still remember i met u in training.

thats me and janet.

ain't that cute? my definition of abstract art.

it comes from the formula below

bored at work due to empty bank + fascination with geometric

=

a whole assortment of pictures

i love this one below - edited to a very pretty pastel colour

or wouldnt it be fun to bloat up someone's face like this below?

the costume party last night was real good fun. different themes for different zones - oriental, indian, hip-hop and retro. no prizes for guessing which one i'm from haha. took tons of pics, some of them here below.


"scandalous photo #1" - threesome in the hotel room! haha..

me and al below. cheongsams from the same tailor.

"scandalous photo #2" - me in gerald's lap. wahaha

2 cheongsams, 3 camouflaged.

4 of us together again! i miss our training days.

more from my trainee batch.

my branch! ALL of us including boss.

'n scary photos of me after a loooong night. wahahaha.

so no mood to work today haahaha. anyway here's a sneak preview of my cheongsam for the D and D.

yesterday evening was super pissed with this i***** customer. he was super stubborn, being difficult and demanding. then when i called up this fella in HQ, lets call him fella A, to check something for this customer, fella A said cannot be done. so fine, i tell this stupid i***** customer it cant be done and he got fed up and hung up.

but u see, when someone really wants something, he will find all means to achieve it. which is what this stupid i***** customer did- when he realised that being difficult, demanding and generally being an asshole with me won't work, he called up another banker, in a different branch. lets call him banker B.

so banker B basically recommended all the same possible solutions i recommended (EXACTLY the same!!!!!!!! and the stupid i***** rejected my ideas) and now the bugger decided to accept. how did i find out? coz banker B is a fren of one of the PBs in my branch. he came in yesterday evening to make calls to fella A from HQ regarding this. and banker B doesnt speak very softly (and mentioned this stupid i***** customer, who has a very unique name) hence i overheard everything.

im very pissed coz
1. fella A told me that whatever the customer wanted couldnt be done, thats y i turned the customer down. but fella A then turned around and promised banker B that YES, it CAN be done. so im like, bloody hell, can u just make up your freakin mind???? u caused me to lose a deal. not very big lah. but still!!!!!!!!!

2. that stupid i***** customer thought that being difficult and demanding would help him get what he wants (such a typical singaporean). he rejected all the possible solutions i gave him, yet when banker B suggests the exact same thing, he agrees. (therefore my logic of how a person, when he realises he really wants something and being an asshole wont let him get it, he'll find every other possible solution to achieve what he wants. hence i suppose that explains why he agreed to what he had previously rejected. what a f**king idiot!!!!!!!!!!)

the only good thing that came out of it? before i turned him down, he had convinced his spouse to invest the same amount as him, in the same fund. hence the spouse called me up and asked me to prepare the paperwork for her to sign. easy deal, didn't have to explain anything. hah!

anyway. today had quite a few unexpected cases, luck on my side i suppose. was kept VERY busy the whole day. reported half my sales for today, keeping the other half for a day with no sales - hence i will look more consistent. its a strategy that everyone in the division uses.

sometimes i feel that there's a lot of politics going on in here. but what to do? thats working life. to all my frenz who are still studying - make the most out of your days in uni. it'd be the best days of your life.

i've said this more than once - i hate it when PBs mis-sell. came across a case today where the account holders are over 70, and the freakin PB who sold this product to them did not get a younger joint account holder. thats mistake #1.

mistake #2: the PB said that there's no penalty for pulling out early when in fact there IS - and the penalty isn't low ok.

now these people need their $ back desperately and are caught in a fix. i hate the people from that branch - i have come across more than one case where cases of mis-selling originate from there. yes i know we all need sales but i wonder if u can sleep soundly at night when u know that u're cheating people of their $. esp the elderly. i think that as a person, integrity and honesty count a lot more than a hit-and-run sale. that's where u get all the stories in the media about bankers mis-selling. i tell u, PBs like this ought to be shot.

i myself need sales - in months when i run so dry, i feel it more than anyone else. but i wouldn't stoop that low as to selling to the elderly or lying about the product. (to those of u who read this and don't understand this industry, selling long-term products to the elderly is basically locking in their $ when they might need it in their old age. on the other hand, selling a liquid high risk fund to the elderly might cause them to lose their capital when they already aren't working and need the $ for retirement)

to some people out there, its just an issue of integrity but to me, maybe coz dad once headed this division, maybe coz i'm very particular about integrity in a person - this case seriously pisses me off. came across a similar case last month - don't get me started on that.

was going thru some jokes online and most of them are so LAME, its hilarious.

anyway looking at these 2 stupid jokes below, i realise how far away my life as an engineer seems. i used to love math in sec sch and jc ( i HATED uni math, got borderline failures consistently) but i've forgotten how to deduce a formula - see this dumb one below.

Proof of Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law cannot be proven, yet is correct, as when you try to prove Murphy's Law, you will see that the proof is incorrect. This is obviously due to Murphy's Law, therefore Murphy's Law iscorrect and proven

more on Murphy's law below. words highlighted in blue indicate words/symbols i used to work with consistently. its been less than a year since i graduated but i've forgotten ALL the algebra n limits n algebra i knew, together with all my physics and statistics. in my fyp last year i worked v closely with stats but then again my professor knew i sucked big time with stats and he generally did all the stats parts for me (literally). so there u have it - me with an B.Eng (Hons) degree and i cannot remember my basics *gasp*

Laws relating to assembly

• If a project requires n components, there will be n-1 components available.
• Interchangeable parts won't.
• Components that must not and cannot be assembled improperly will be.
• The most delicate component will be dropped.
• The construction and operation manual will be discarded with the packing material. The garbage truck will have picked it up five minutes before the mad dash to the rubbish bin
• The necessity of making a major design change increases as the assembly and wiring of the unit approach completion.

Laws of selective gravitation

• A dropped tool will land where it will do the most damage.
• A component selected at random from a group having a 99% reliability will be a member of the 1% group.
• Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly
• The availability of a component is inversely proportional to the need for that component.
• If a particular resistance is needed, that value will not beavailable. Furthermore, it cannot be developed with any series or parallel combination.
• After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will befound on the bench.

i'm probably a pretty smart gal but when it comes to directions i have to admit i'm a total bimbotic airhead.

private estates are not that bad, i would be just looking for a house number. its HDB estates with avenues and streets crisscrossing each other that get me totally confused. and i think quite a few of you who know me can testify to that =)

*very grateful to gerald* last night went to meet a customer, gerald came with me. i thought he would make me drop him back at his house and give me directions to my customer's place but surprisingly he came with me. i remembered the address correctly but when i told him the address i said SRgoon ave 3... we spent a good 15min driving up and down the street b4 i checked the address and realised it was SRgoon NORTH avenue 3. i think gerald would have literally killed me if he could haha... so sorry boy. i promise i will buy u a drink.

got my cases last night quite easily. happy happy =)

------------------

its Valentine's day today - went to check out the tradition behind this. apparently there's a few different ideas of how Valentine's day came about. i kind of favour this one (since i love Rome)

St Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest who married couples against direct orders from Emperor Claudius II who believed that young single men were more likely to join his army. He was caught and thrown into jail. Before he died, he wrote a letter to a jailer's daughter, signed "From Your Valentine" before he was executed on February 14 in 270 A.D. and apparently this tradition of signing cards still follows up to today.

Happy Valentine's day to all who r celebrating it.

after a morning of clearing paperwork, i'm quite sian to start my teleconsulting. hence the decision to rot for a while.

HL, i was at kang's wedding on sat night. not a big do like ur da-ge's wedding though. and i can't believe he actually did the tea ceremony with grandma only in the evening! hello...which part of him doesn't understand that its supposed to be done in the morning? i was quite pissed when i heard, coz to me its like some form of disrespect. esp since he did the tea ceremony with his parents in the morning! but then again, his mother's a weirdo in our eyes hahaha so maybe i should just forget it. not sure if u've seen his wife, she's my age can... but she's quite friendly lah. anyway in the fam (not counting the brit cousins) there's jus u, me and ur er-ge left. wanna take bets on who's next? haha...

its only mon and this is lOOking to be a busy busy week. still relatively cheerful today but then again i must have slept at least 15hours yesterday. 2 appointments tonight which shld bring me at least 60k. *crosses fingers* adding in the 50 i closed on sat... hmmm 1 mil still a bit far leh. need to run even harder for sales. every evening full this week., and D and D on fri night somemore. that should be FUN!!!!!!!

quite pissed with myself- i really wanted sales today but was lazy + picky with customers (my mistake! my mistake!) and hence missed out a good 70k at the very least. didn't help that EVERYONE closed something except for me! and ms TBH took a big ticket in a short time somemore! happy for u gal coz u can throw the case in her face haha but arggghhhhh!!!! i have zero today! got fed up and decided i prob needed a break so i left early for an "appointment". hahaha.

now really tired but just wanted to put up some cute pics b4 i sleep.

arab street and the surrounding streets was fun. lots of small shops i had fun browsing in. loved this particular one, located behind the mosque, which sold lots of lacquer work. serving plates in leaf shapes, flat vases, wine holders, tissue box holders, napkin rings, paintings yada yada. would have liked to buy them all but i do remember the pathetic amt of $ left in my bank account, plus i wanna buy more of the BRIC fund and still have to pay the balance of my cheongsam at the tailor's next week. therefore didn't get to buy anything.

intricate shawls and feathered fans in the surrounding shops. the feathered fan might do as part of my costume for the costume party next week. i'll have to drop by again some weekday evening.

we stopped by a small cafe for my caffeine dosage. a small cosy place that brought back memories of the cafes in europe. yes that's me stoning in the corner.

this place has a jacuzzi as well. in the little backyard - i thought that was pretty cool.

then drove off, but not b4 chris took this pic.

anyway. for someone who lived in dover for 2 years, and knew holland v like the back of my hand (or so i thought), i apparently didn't realise there was eski bar next to coffee club. don't really like coffee club in the first place so i hardly wander up that corner. so when yx said to meet him at eski bar, i was like "huh? holland got eski bar?!?!?" good talk and lots of laughter but do remind me never to take daiquris again.

p/s: to yx: i DO agree with your friends. its hilarious that you have a pilot liscence but no car liscence. nvm next time u fly me around in the air, when we land i drive ok? haha.. take care!

dearest HL

i saw your letter n feel really really touched. i don't know how i'm going to say thanks for being there, even though u're so far away in boston and we hardly get a chance to talk...for calling me jie jie again like how u did when we were little kids.

u noe me so well. without telling u, u noe exactly what's going on in my mind. u noe what i'm thinking, what i want to do. uncanny, isn't it.

we don't talk often, but whenever the worst shit comes, u're always there. "and throughout the whole process, i'll be there to hold your hand till you're fine again." i really appreciate it. i'll talk to u soon.

i love u girl. i'll get to see u in april when i go to boston. *hug*

thanks to all who have been so concerned about me. esp my branch people. i really appreciate it.

swiped all my medical bills onto his card. almost forgotten i had a supp card from him sitting in the secondary card holder in my bag. (considering how much stuff i throw in my bag, its not that surprising i lose track of stuff there haha)

hearing tests came back ok but ear drum has a hole in it. there's nothing i can do to it aside from letting it heal naturally over the next one month. it can't get wet - therefore i can't swim! i can't even let it get wet when i shower therefore its a huge hassle keeping it dry.

my ear feels weird, feel it more so when i move about. apparently its coz of the hole in my ear drum, air jus keeps moving in and out hence there's this funny echo-y, muffled sound all the time. even now when im sitting still, i can literally hear the movement of air in and out of my ear.

i have no mood to really teleconsult now - both appointments today didn't go through. but i need business - i've crossed thresh (i think, i didn't bother to count but should be lah) but i don't think im safe loh. i don't want to look complacent, therefore im still going to run really hard for sales. but im getting a lot of followup cases, none closed on the spot this week. if i don't bring numbers in soon i think she'll make noise again.

i feel guilty running out early later; basically if i don't do hell lot of teleconsulting each day i feel guilty. (then again, running out early on fri is good. i'll skip her end-of-wk sales meeting) but later i want to go arab street and little india with chris, want to look-see look-see. want to buy some fabrics too. should be fun. cya later best fren!

what a drama.

someone tell me why i can't make myself let go of him.

he hit me last night. long story, but he was drunk. slapped me so hard on the right side of my face that 12 hours later, now, my face is a little swollen and most importantly. i can't hear properly from my right ear. slapped me on the left side as well. kicked me in the stomach. physical fight. scratches and bruises on us both.

screamed. cried. neighbours came. security came. police came. ambulance came. what a drama, now that i look back at it.

was sent to A&E but they can't tell me if there's permanent damage. have to go see a specialist later today. i refused to take MC today; i have appointments i refuse to cancel. i have teleconsulting to do.

i'm tired. i want to let go for good; i don't know what's holding me back.

someone help.

i thought today was going to be a bad day coz of THAT. but surprisingly it turned out to be a pretty good day. found a few pairs of nice earrings i forgotten i had (which in the first place, i hadn't even worn them after buying. i admit i do have too many pairs of earrings. and too many pairs of shoes, too many bags and WAY too many clothes. haha... )

fine, i bummed around for most of the afternoon after i settled my case in the morning. cleared paperwork at lightning speed, snacked a LOT and chatted as usual. got 4 appointments out of teleconsulting tonight so it was a good achievement LOL.

hey chris, thanks for coming over. do appreciate the company and had fun with u as always. thinking of copying u and putting our photo on my blog as well but its quite a hassle to track down that particular photo so i'll do it some other night i guess =)

i hate it when u lie to me. i'm pretty frank and open, just tell me straight to my face. don't lie to me. ironic since i tell white lies pretty often haha (depending on whom to =P ) but i HATE being lied to. wouldn't u jus buzz off and get out of my life?

B-L-A-H

damn sianz at work today. table kept being hogged by other people therefore i cant do work. and when i DO get usage of my table i can't get any appointments when i do teleconsulting. so i've gone to the tailor with al and boss. now back again SIANZ!!!!!! supposed to fix another 5 appointments b4 i leve - its stress im setting on myself. coz i dont wanna stay at half mil for whole month. i want more sales- but everything is looking stagnant again!

grrrrrrrr..... B.O.R.E.D.

maybe its the time of the evening when people feel nostalgic. but i suddenly miss u.

i thought im over it all. it was a great day - found some great fabric in the evening, gonna tailor a (great) cheongsam tmr. good dinner and all. happy happy day.

and now suddenly at night, i find myself missing u all over again. why doesnt it go away? that's why work can only make u feel ok for that long - at some point everything comes back to haunt u.

on a brighter note - here's a pic i took from mw. comparing the size of the supersize martini and the normal lycheetini at new asia. considering how potent the drinks at new asia are compared to other pubs/clubs, the supersize martini, which is about half the size of half a jug, is enough to make u pretty high.

back again hahaha... apparently i'm in a really chatty mood today coz i've been talking and laughing all afternoon. and now( literally) talking to myself online haha... now looking for a tailor - i decided to tailor a halter backless cheongsam for next week's D and D costume party. going to head out soon to look at fabrics with the girls.

and i got a walk in customer - small case but hey its good luck! =)

Bingo! settled the outstanding UT for the big case. so the half mil trade booked in already.

and got another 10k in the morning so its not too bad. now got to start aggressive teleconsulting again, havent been calling over the last few days since CNY coz was busy with lots of nonsense in branch.

and chris i saw your blog - sorry about Fri night lah but new asia was really fun and it was with old frenz mah.

ok i better get back to work. i have lots of trades to key in. no lunch again.

ha its a weird topic to write about but to those who know me well enough, here are some idiosyncracies of my stomach.

1. i don't eat regularly --> not eating lunch for many days in a row has rendered my stomach to be perpetually not hungry. even when i see food during the weekend i have no craving to eat, and whatever i eat is perpetually tasteless.

2. i don't eat b4 i go for drinks --> i drink on an empty stomach. to most people again thats suicide as it supposedly reduces your alcohol limit but it apparently it doesn't affect me in that way. i can still drink match most people on drinks.

3. gastrics does show some sign of coming back - familiar ache in the stomach b4 i sleep sometimes. have had the worst bout of gastrics about 4 years ago (it lasted a week, i went to A&E 3x in a week and i lost at least 2kg despite stuffing myself with bread and instant noodles) ever since then i'll keep saying i don't have gastrics coz no gastric pain now can possibly beat that one.

conclusion --> my stomach seems dead haha. as many friends have commented. whatever nonsense i do to it doesnt seem to affect it any longer.

and hey peeps, i'm not doing this to lose weight. its just that i don't feel like eating. in case u're wondering why such a weird topic here, its coz i just came back from dinner. food i'll normally like to eat but don't feel like eating now and seemingly tasteless. strange.

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I closed my half million case!!!! mother's long time friend. boss was really happy, her phone was off in the morning so i smsed her "half a million UT" and she called me back, she was so happy! i literally don't have to work for the rest of the month already hahaha... but cannot say that lah i can't be complacent. the rest of them think i should run for a million this month but hard lah since the usual case sizes so small.

small hiccup - some of the UT can't be bought using the particular mode of payment she wants, so i need to generate a new bit of that portfolio for her and present tmr. hopefully she will take it. its a good 40% of the total sales! *crosses fingers*

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!

ok guys, for some reason i decided to start blogging again haha...this must be the 4th blog i've created ever since. i'll try to keep this one going ya.. :D

why did i decide to start now? for some reason i feel that tonight was a new beginning. time to let go of certain things, certain memories. for even if i refuse to let it go, it will now float off by itself. so its really time to look ahead. i keep telling myself to look ahead and not look back; its been hard to do the last 2 months.

was at new asia with mw + pat tonight. i had a great time, drunk enough to take my mind off lots of things. but as always, at the end of the night, memories come back to haunt me. some things are hard to let go of; u know u're fighting a losing battle but u just can't make yourself let go. yes i know, i'm a stubborn person. but in this case, i cannot NOT admit defeat.

and its freakin' 4+ in the morning, and i have a really important presentation at 9am. which i have not completed working on. don't wanna jinx anything now so i don't want to talk too much about it. but if i make it, i'll be the happiest person around.